?

Log in

No account? Create an account

atthesametime

Previous Entry Share Next Entry
08:48 am: For old times sake
I was out to dinner a couple of weeks ago with an old time LJer and our partners and the subject of Secrets Monday and what an odd and wonderful internet thing it had become. I thought maybe it would be fun to dust it off and see if there was still any life in it. Is there?

TELL ME A SECRET

1) Post anonymously, I have no way of knowing who it is, IP logging is off.
2) Tell me anything you wish, it can be directed at me or it can be
completely random or just something you need or want to get off your
chest. Silly or serious.

Comments

From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 02:28 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I started reading the Twilight series, just a few pages over breakfast each morning. It's fun.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 03:41 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I thought I saw comments here and now they're gone... weird.
[User Picture]
From:atthesametime
Date:November 14th, 2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
(Link)
LJ seemed to have changed some settings since the last time I did this, making anonymous posting more difficult. I think I've got this working now...
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 03:45 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I don't know what the hell has happened to me, but I have found myself watching lots of sports on TV. Hours of my life come and go away, wasted and never to come back, every weekend.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 03:51 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Why is that time wasted? Sports is underrated as a forum of human drama... or are you one of those people who sits down to watch NFL Wednesday at 11 am and doesn't move from the couch until the end of the Blitz on ESPN at 12:30 am on Monday?
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Sports is (are?) an overrated form of human drama!
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 06:30 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Maybe I should clarify - amongst my social circle sports are (is?) underrated. When I tell people about the fourth quarter of the Giants Patriots game, the decisions that were made, the physical feats completed. they look at me like I'm shitting on the floor. But tell them about the performance of Lear I just saw where the old man was portrayed as weak and befuddled with dementia, and they're all "oh how interesting!"
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 06:45 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I can't decide if it's worth (in the interest of stirring up shit on secrets monday) arguing that your friends are right, that these two things really aren't equal, because theater doesn't lacks a lot of pathological shit inherent to sports. I'm not sure how well I can argue the point. I could try. Go, little secretsmonday!
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 06:46 pm (UTC)
(Link)
there's an extra "doesn't" in there. a baker's doesn't, if you will.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 07:50 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Ok, maybe theater isn't as pathological as sports, but opera, that shit is nothing but pathology.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 08:03 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Heh, people always throw opera at me even when I'm perfunctorily anonymous.

Different kinds of pathologies! People don't get ostracized for being bad at opera. Opera companies aren't (oh you just knew I was going to go there) an object of such furious cathexis that if someone involved got fired for raping little boys, opera fans would riot in the streets. Things like that.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 08:11 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Yeah, I knew you were going to go there, what happened at Penn State is horrific, but that's not all football fans, as I know you know.

From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 08:19 pm (UTC)

3rd commenter/baby-bathwater issue

(Link)
Um, just wanted to jump in here and make the argument that the "pathologies" you seem to be alluding to here aren't actually *instrinsic* (or inherent, whatever the i-word was) to sports themselves. Certainly there are some nutty/very questionable aspects of sports culture out there, especially professional sports in the US (yes, I know that college sports aren't professional, but let's face it, even high school sports have been nearly professionalized these days, with anyone who is remotely decent playing on "select" regional teams that operate outside of regular high school sports to get notice of college coaches), but one does not necessarily have to condone or participate in this culture simply by watching the game. (or participating!)
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 08:29 pm (UTC)

Re: 3rd commenter/baby-bathwater issue

(Link)
No, of course not. I am very fond of any number of sports fans, and none of them rape little boys, and I'm fairly sure watching football doesn't make you go "rowr! little boys!" But I don't think it's random that this took place in connection with football.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 07:09 pm (UTC)
(Link)
man, I wish I could trade with you. I mean, most of my friends are similar but I am part of one volunteer activity where EVERY.ONE. talks about football. It's the only sport I really can't get into, and I don't even have a TV. so that outlet might be somewhere out there for you... maybe going to a bar to watch?
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 03:58 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Some mornings the only way I can shake my resistance to leaving the house is masturbation. It clears my head/changes my mood but it seems like a weird thing to be doing in the morning before work.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 04:25 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I've been having a tough time getting going in the mornings, maybe I should try this. No, really.

I think on some level masturbation often seems like "a weird thing to be doing" whenever and wherever we do it. At least, if you start thinking about it enough it does. I wouldn't worry. If it works for you, that's all that matters.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 04:53 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I'm not sure if I recommend it or not. It does take up some extra time. (I def don't think of it as a weird thing to do right before bed, to get to sleep, btw.)
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 04:22 pm (UTC)
(Link)
There's a woman in my new grad program who I continually try to like but I think maybe I just hate her guts. And I think maybe it's mutual. Maybe I'm paranoid but I think some of her comments in class are veiled criticism of me (and not very thinly veiled, either). But in other ways she keeps hugging me in the hallway for no reason and acting like I'm her pal. I think some of the other people in my cohort might have similar feelings about her, but we're all too nice / polite / bent on being neutral about any sort of department politics out of ambitiousness that nobody ever says a bad word about anyone else. Which I generally think is the right thing to do. But sometimes I feel like I'm going to burst if I don't tell someone how much this woman is bothering me.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 04:40 pm (UTC)
(Link)
The other day we went to an event where I introduced my partner, who has pretty strong jealous tendencies, to a new co-worker who I have liked pretty well so far. I moderately teased my partner in front of co-worker, which was probably a bit of a foul on my part but might not have made a stink if... I didn't (according to partner) mumble co-worker's name in my sleep that night. I have apologized profusely, and while partner basically understands that I can't be responsible for saying something in my sleep, it's a sore point and we fought about it (and other things). It bums me out because I was hoping partner and co-worker might be friends! ugh.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 04:51 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Your partner has been watching too many movies if s/he thinks the sleep mumble means much. Dreams (ok, according to Freud, who some people hate) have two kinds of content: stuff from the unconscious that probably has some significance, though not always obvious significance, and "day residue"--the stuff that's in your head because it happened recently. But the real point is: take a pill, partner. Don't look for problems.
[User Picture]
From:never_the_less
Date:November 14th, 2011 05:49 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I am started to get really weirded out by my increasingly serious German(y) fetish.
[User Picture]
From:never_the_less
Date:November 14th, 2011 05:49 pm (UTC)
(Link)
oh shit, I didn't post that anon?!?! :)
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 06:30 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I miss NTL!
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 07:09 pm (UTC)
(Link)
everyone does :(
[User Picture]
From:danschank
Date:November 14th, 2011 06:38 pm (UTC)

dieter!

(Link)
best avatar/comment combo ever!
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 14th, 2011 07:32 pm (UTC)
(Link)
i spent the past weekend at my folks' house in suburban PA for a funeral, and had to endure a lot of spirited defenses of joe paterno from my sister and father. penn state is kind of a big deal in my family. and when the news broke, you'd have thought a kennedy had been assasinated. my dad and my sis aren't bad people or anything, but they definitely buy into the douchebag mob mentality that's been on display at PSU for the past week or so, and it was very hard not picking fights with them (in fact, i did end up picking one with my dad, which was exhausting instead of cathartic, even if he did cool down a bit). i've worked pretty hard at overcoming my adolescent contempt for my suburban roots, and it was pretty depressing to see all the things i hate about the first 18 years of my life mirrored so strongly in my immediate family. to make matters worse, it all coincided with a funeral (not someone i was particularly close to), which made the righteous diatribes i was writing in my head all the more inopportune.

it's easy to view this scandal through the jocks-vs-nerds lens of "college football culture" - or as a mirror of the behavior of the catholic church (which it is) - but this kind of strident white male entitlement applies to many of our educated-cultural-elitist icons as well (roman polanski, william burroughs, norman mailer, woody allen, possibly carl andre). it's particularly disappointing to see this kind of ugliness defended in my immediate family though. makes me wonder how many "little eichmanns" live among me (or within me).

a lot of you can probably guess who i am from this comment but whatever.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 15th, 2011 04:25 am (UTC)
(Link)
I keep thinking I'm fine with never having children, and yet I have recurring dreams lately in which I have kids. They leave me really shaken up. Is this a message from my subconscious, or should I just stop eating spicy food before going to bed?
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 15th, 2011 03:35 pm (UTC)
(Link)
Just resist the overly straightforward interpretation of things that come up in your dreams. Dreams are wish fulfillment, yeah, but sometimes in complicated ways.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 15th, 2011 06:47 pm (UTC)
(Link)
I fucking need to get laid goddammit. With a man. But I've only slept with other chicks before, and it's never been casual. So I have less than no idea how to pick up dudes and do the casual fucking thing. I'm so frustrated with my lack of knowledge in this area, I almost want to put an ad out on craig's list. Sigh.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 15th, 2011 07:02 pm (UTC)
(Link)
have you tried OK Cupid? It's a bit less random/creepy than CL, and seems like a lot of casual encounter-friendly folks are on there.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 15th, 2011 08:57 pm (UTC)

here's a secret

(Link)
dudes really want you to pick them up and fuck them casually. a lot. they will be thrilled if you do. except of course they will then immediately want a serious relationship, because you don't. so be prepared for that. also, drinking helps (some drinking, not too much). good luck.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 15th, 2011 11:31 pm (UTC)

i was just thinking about how there are no dykes on lj anymore the other day...

(Link)
Welcome to the easiest thing you will ever do! Eh, I kid, partially, but I agree with the commenter above who states it is yours for the taking. (I have been close to in your shoes -- I had had sex with men before but for a million reasons was never into it, then slept with women for a long time, and then I started finding men super hot all of a sudden, hello most thinly veiled comment ever.)

My advice: DON'T put an ad on Craigslist. You are an intelligent woman! (by association with our host) You can do better than what this will attract!

*Consider* OKCupid, though my impression is that you will have to go through the pretense of pretending that you are interested in/open to something other than totally casual sex, go out with someone, fuck them and never get in touch with them again. This is TOTALLY TOTALLY fine, but maybe isn't want you want? Mostly, I would consider if you want to be able to eventually tell the person you are with the circumstances of what is happening, or not.

Basically, I feel like if you explain the circumstances upfront on the internet, you are only going to attract people who you probably aren't going to be attracted to. Like, say you're on an online dating site as a lesbian, looking for another lesbian to get it on with (or date, whatever), and you see some post that is like, "curious str8 grrrl, looking 4 first time!" you're not even going to bother to click, right?

So my thoughts are, if you are going to do the internet thing, you kind of have to play the game a bit. Which is fine -- everyone on the internet is playing the game a bit. But then, if you do want to be able to be like, uh, btw, here is what is going on *at any point,* -- when does this happen? (You know, so that when you accidentally try to finger the dudes balls with your leg behind your hand (true life experience here, oops) he's not like, wait, WTF?!? OWWWWW! or just so that you can openly ask questions which will make it 12 million times more enjoyable imo. On the other hand, it is just having sex one time and if it's not the awesomest experience in the world, maybe that is fine and the point for you is just to do it.) You risk the possibility of a kind of sudden rejection in one way or another (maybe just to have enough time to readjust, maybe more), which maybe is a fine risk to take for some people, for others, maybe they don't want that.

But I have a third option for you! Do you have a social life that puts you in contact with friends of friends, hopefully when alcohol is involved? It is frankly kind of easy to sleep with guys this way, and equally easy to make it seem like they are picking you up. I know this isn't the most explicit set of directions, but generally, I feel like if you put out a bit of a sexual vibe (or, uh, a lot) and are flirty (don't worry about "I don't know how to flirt with men vs women," or if you aren't hyper femme-y, felling like you need to be to attract straight men), often times it will just happen. The key is not being insecure about it, but also letting it happen and if there is no vibe, letting it go. Just be fun and dynamic and unafraid! You are hot! I kind of feel like in this situation, you could actually talk to the dude about the circumstances if you want, and be a lot more communicative in bed than you could with someone you have no connection to from the internet who can probably go on another date tomorrow night. (Or, idk dudes, maybe I'm wrong here and someone to sleep with is someone to sleep with regardless?)

In conclusion, any way you go about this, there are probably going be moments of potential awkwardness, and possible "rejection." But really the stakes are really low. Just go with you gut, and if you feel insecure, find a way to get out of that! Including remembering that it's normal/no big deal for you to feel like you don't know how to go about this.

Good luck and have fun!!!!

From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 16th, 2011 03:53 pm (UTC)

Re: i was just thinking about how there are no dykes on lj anymore the other day...

(Link)
(You know, so that when you accidentally try to finger the dudes balls with your leg behind your hand (true life experience here, oops) he's not like, wait, WTF?!? OWWWWW!

What guy doesn't like having his balls played with during sex?

From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 16th, 2011 05:30 pm (UTC)

Re: i was just thinking about how there are no dykes on lj anymore the other day...

(Link)
To clarify, by "finger" I didn't mean fondle, touch, etc. but instead to go in with one's hand as though it was female anatomy. Out of instinct.
From:(Anonymous)
Date:November 16th, 2011 05:47 pm (UTC)

Re: i was just thinking about how there are no dykes on lj anymore the other day...

(Link)
oh, ouch!
Powered by LiveJournal.com